This week I have been taking part in an amazing ten day course called the "Be Seen Challenge" with my fabulous friend and fellow life-coach Eryka Peskin. It has been SO good (for a whole host of reasons - but mostly because I get to make a video of myself every day and am getting good at it - YAY!). One of the tasks we worked on this week is something I do with my clients regularly . . . which is all about Asking for What You Want!
So here's something you might not know about me: I used to be a big c-o-m-p-l-a-i-n-e-r. Yes this was at a time in my life where I was miserable in my marriage and felt 100% stuck. So stuck that all I could do was complain about how bad I felt and what a horrible person my ex was (and a bunch of other things I'm sure.) Here's the truth though: If I had asked him for what I wanted, my bet is that life could have been about 50% better in a heartbeat. Would it have saved the marriage? NO. But . . . as I navigated my way through that experience and have learned a thing or two over the years, I see what a powerful act it is to ask for what you want, and try to make it more of a practice these days. Because you know what? When you ask for what you want . . . you might just get it!
Here's one of Eryka's personal stories about asking, which she has graciously given me permission to share:
Once upon a time I spent a summer in Seattle. As you may know, there are a zillion beautiful islands in the Seattle area, and one day I took a ferry over to Vashon Island. At sunset I went to a park on the west side of the island and saw a man kayaking. I thought to myself, "Oh it would be SO AWESOME if I could kayak right now! I wish I had one!" And then "Hmmm . . .what if I asked him if I could borrow it?!"
For the rest of the time he was in the water I wrestled with myself about whether to ask him if I could borrow his kayak. I had thoughts like "Are you kidding? That is CRAZY! That's too demanding! Who are you to ask a stranger for this?" I had thoughts about not being pretty enough to ask for that kind of attention, about being judged by him and maybe others on the beach (although it was sparsely populated).
In my world, asking for what you desire is all about being seen. I didn't want to be seen as pushy or as doing something wrong.
And then I said to myself, "Fuck it. I'm 40, and I'm done with being insecure about stupid shit. I've got nothing to lose by asking."
So when he came back on shore, I asked if he'd be willing to let me use his kayak!
Without hesitation he loaned it to me, helped me get in, gave me some pointers . . . and even took a few photos of me kayaking!
All of this was possible because I allowed myself to be seen . . . I allowed myself to push past my fears and to ASK.
And, also, I had absolutely no expectation of the outcome. I pretty much expected him to say no, so when he said yes it was a very pleasant surprise. :)
Oh my GOSH . . . what an amazing story and example of what can happen when you're actually brave and ask for what you want!
Today I am sending an email to they guy that owns my gym (who I've known for years), with a couple of asks that feel BIG. I will report back about how that goes!
Your homework for today is to take a moment and reflect . . . are you asking for what you want in this life? My theory is that if you don't ask, the answer is always NO. And if you DO ask - the answer will far more likely be YES than you even realize. Is there something you can ask of someone this week? Keep in mind that you can ask for the moon (!) or you can ask your co-worker to chew more quietly or ask your neighbor to teach you tap dancing . . . Asking for what you want is a muscle that gets stronger as you exercise it, and getting what you want can be so incredibly gratifying.
If it feels scary - do it anyway. I'll be cheering you on!
Love and Light,
P.S. For an amazing video on rejection (which sometimes goes along with asking) check out Jia Jiang's speech from the World Domination Summit in 2013. It is RAD.
Meet me here on Saturdays for some weekly vibes - honoring the week that has past, and clearing the way for what's new. Gather your journal and favorite pen, along with a hot cup of coffee/tea/chai - and settle in for 30 minutes dedicated to YOU.