2016 . . . it's been a doozy!
Seriously - in addition to all the general craziness in the world, I'd say this year has been one of the biggest collective AFGO's* in my life. Yes I know that learning and growing are good things (I'm a Life Coach Yo!), and it doesn't always feel good while it's happening (I'm also human). Phew! (*AFGO = Another Freaking Growth Opportunity.)
My year started out with a bang in January - when I got let go from my job as a software trainer. Hindsight being 20/20 and all - it was a total gift. But the one thing which flipped me out the most had to do with money. In the first few weeks after I got the news I would find myeslf walking down the stairs and suddenly be unable to move - literally paralyzed at the thought of having to go to the grocery store to buy food for two teenage boys. How was I going to Manage??
Thankfully I got unemployment benefits, and a few part-time work gigs that allowed me to function mostly normally by just making some adjustments to my budget. And I've actually been really excited about having multiple streams of income and making a living from work that I am choosing. (As opposed to the golden-handcuffs of work that paid well but wasn't a good fit for my heart.) But as sexy as it sounds, it hasn't been without it's own set of issues - yes it's my stress as opposed to someone elses (yay), but not having a consistent cash flow sometimes makes things complicated (boo).
Also, in the last few months I've noticed a bigger than normal struggle with my time. I've always been a planner and a bit of a control freak - but this recent need to have more than regular advance notice on scheduling (and changes in scheduling), inability to see further than a few hours from where I am right now, and zero capacity to be remotely spontaneous? It's been downright curious. Combined with my over-thinking brain and snails-pace decision making superpowers? It's also been wildly annoying.
** I'd like to take this opportunity to say that my boyfriend has been a Saint lately. That is all. **
After several rounds of "What the heck is wrong with me and why can't I be more flexible?", I got some clarity around it all realized the following:
For those of you with children, you might remember that when they are little there are pretty much two things you may battle with them over: Food and Potty Training. Why? Because those are the only two things they have control over in their lives . . . What goes in and What comes out!
And just like a two year old, with my life feeling so crazy and uncertain - I have had a death grip on my time . . . because it feels like it's the only thing I have any control over! Oh my goodness - what a relief to have that awareness. I haven't quite sorted out how to release control and surrender to what is and what will be - but I like to say that self-awareness is the first step to recovery, so I'm on the right path.
Something tells me I'm not alone in this need for control. Do you feel overwhelmed in parts of your life? Are there things you are hanging onto with white-knuckles that perhaps you could release? I'd love to hear about them - send me a note or leave a comment . . . we are in this together!
Wishing you the happiest of holidays - I hope you'll continue to stop by in the New Year!
Love and Light,
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Meet me here on Saturdays for some weekly vibes - honoring the week that has past, and clearing the way for what's new. Gather your journal and favorite pen, along with a hot cup of coffee/tea/chai - and settle in for 30 minutes dedicated to YOU.